Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Dead Space (Scared Yet?)

Ok...really that game is not as scary as it's cracked up to be. I could never see anyone having nightmares from a simple game like that. It just seems really stressful. I know D.N. disagrees, but I really feel that way and it surely wont change any time soon. Also, this blog is not to be shared with the world. I know that this might get around, but I'm telling you my innermost secrets and feelings and trusting you enough to let you read. It's nothing to gossip about. This is almost like my diary. I feel like these are things that I want to say and want people to hear, but am simply too afraid of the reaction I'll get. Opening up for me now is really hard. If i open up to you and tell you things (like about my blog) you should feel honored. These are the things I dream of saying out loud, but keep them to the web, and you, special bunch of people, are the only ones who will find this site and read it. My feelings are shattered that you would even dare show this to someone else. Really? That's Shit. That would be like you trusting me with your diary and me simply allowing all these people at school to read it. Anyways don't give them the website or ever do that again. Thanks! On other news. The book I'm reading is not getting any happier. The teacher said only the beginning was sad but obviously she has a different opinion of sad...like me and D.N. have a different opinion of scary. God I cant get over feeling betrayed right now. It's not like I don't already have so many issues with trust, this just makes everything so much worse. I hate trusting people and this is why. It gets me fucking screwed over, you know? BULL SHIT. This school is full of pretty girls, most of them waiting for some small speck of drama so they can blow it up in everyone's faces. You know why that is? Because NOTHING ever happens at this school. I mean the occasional little mishap, but nothing big. This blog would be huge. If it got around I'd be devastated and E reminded me of that. I have crappy classes next. No more study hall. Yay Math....Yeah right. The bright side is I do have Mr.Heitzberg next class. I'm not looking forward to all my easy classes being dropped. I think I might have to drop the math soon and go back to study hall because once I get into Africa, with this art, and math, and government, and no free period for homework but lunch, I'm going to start failing again. I've been trying really hard this year to keep my grades as high as I possibly can, always doing my best, but then again, I've tried that before and it never works. I suppose I'll just have to over work myself. But if that means good grades and a good college then so be it. Sometimes there's so much stuff going on that I just...feel like I can't breath. I feel constricted and trapped and scared. Like I do when I'm inside in the dark, or out on a boat. I feel like the whole world could come to an end any second and here I'd be, stuck in the center of it all. Like just scares me in general, but I deal with the bullshit that is thrown at me because what the hell am I gonna do to change the way I'm treated by others. I'm just glad I'm free to leave, be myself, start all over, in June. I'll be happy then, I hope....This is for the eyes of who I choose. This is how I feel.

"People skateboarding make me really nervous"

I didn't really write much yesterday, but also got a Little Black Book to write in. Its for things that I don't wish the whole world to know, or for when I don't have Internet access. Haha A.C. (haha Ay Dios mio A.C.) is reading a book that I want to read, and I just realized that it's from Oprah's book club. Now we are talking about volcanoes, and how people who go high on those mountainous death traps need serious insurance just in case it happens to erupt. I'm not looking forward to this week. I want it to be February break already. Except for the fact that I'm going to my grandparents for the whole week. Out in the middle of nowhere. A.C. wishes she had an apartment, so do I. I realized that the last time w went to my grandparents my mom said she was going to get me texting AFTER because she knew there was nothing else to do there. She didn't get it for me after and she better get it for me before this time because last time was so extremely boring. Someone just said our class is messy, and all over the place. Thats so untrue. Everyone (but me) gets along with everyone else. So tired of this bullshit. I just wanna go home and go to college and eventually start all over. I'm nervous....If people somehow get a hold of this blog....I could see many of them being so pissed. Why would it matter though huh? If they don't like me already why should I really care what they are thinking or saying about me. My senior page, I bet, will only include a few people. Nothing special. My class will be so disappointed, especially the girls. I wont care though. Shouldn't care...Right?

Monday, January 30, 2012

Dont Forget to Sever the Head

Don't get me wrong. I love this calss' ideas, I really do, but there's some big issues. If we were to go somewhere really sunny and hot, yes I could dress all covered up and under the shade. All you will be swimming and in your bathing suits and having fun. I'll be by myself because I'm allergic so I can't go out in the sun like that. Not to mention how hot it would be. I'd be alone for the whole trip. Plus I'm afraid of large bodies of water like that I'd only let it go up to my knees even if I was willing to risk cancer. I suppose though, I'd be alone no matter where we went because none of you decide to hang out with me. Plus the teacher hates me so that just adds to the hate. It simply wouldn't be worth it. Math was so much fun today. We played black jack as our lesson. We learned to count cards and I suppose add really fast. Sometimes, I think my boyfriend is the only one who truly cares for me outside some of my family. I just want this yea to be over, and trust me, on senior send off and graduation, I WON'T be crying. Its not worth it. None of you is worth it accept D.N. Its not as simple as saying that I don't like you. Its not as simple as saying that you've all hurt my feelings. You guys have done o much more than that and in a way it helped me. You taught me that no one should be trusted, that the world is full of problems and hate and that it will never get better, it will keep getting worse, and that your social problems that are making you feel mentally insane, are nothing compared to that cunning manipulative whore her' stupid middle school friend problems that will be gone by tomorrow. I feel like I've learned what the world really is, what its worth, and when she. and the rest of you whiny bitches are thrown out into it, I'll be the only one left standing tall. Sometimes I feel sorry for you bitches, but then I think about all those things that you never did for me and I just say "Forget it!" There's very few people in this world that I actually wish something good for. And the rest of you can all get your asses burned in HELL. Your scum and your not worth the time that anyone is taking on you. Your not worth my time or my hurt feelings. Your not worth me feeling sad over what you think about me, or even caring. Life sucks, and I've already gotten used to it. I wanna see how well you do. I wish I could watch you in my shoes for a day, see how you like it. Your all shit eating ass fucking little whore bitches, period...

Mistakes are Human

Teachers made the mistakes of allowing us to use laptops during class. Our Main Lesson teacher made the mistake of giving us laptops to use during class. This is now the only free time I have to write other than lunch. I have some how been signed up for a math class during my study hall. E keeps reading my shit. I just realized that there is a plate hanging on the classroom wall that as my mother's favorite flowers on it. I am in love with this class though. And the book that I chose for the research paper so far is very sad, but a very amazing book. I highly recommend. It's called In the Time of the Butterflies.

Saturday, January 28, 2012

West Side Story

I went and saw the Sacramento Broadway version of West Side Story today. It was amazing, and since I had saved seeing the movie until after I saw the musical I was happy. It was meant to be. One of my moms friends just happened to not be able to go so I got the ticket. I've learned that I will also be going to Mama Mia in March and possibly Wicked in May. I got In-N-Out today too. Animal fries are so delicious. And once you get to the ends you can dip them in your chocolate milkshake! I had to have David over before hand and could not go to puppy class, but he went with my step dad an little brother. I forgot to ask him how that went. It was a boys day for them and a ladies day for us. It was a lot of fun today. I realized I'm like a puppy. If your my boyfriend, I need your full attention ad if I don't have it I feel left out and unloved. That was so weird! I've been reading my book that I chose for my book report and it is really good! I can't wait to get farther into it. I also have to watch The Mission for extra credit. I've heard it's very good. I think tomorrow is going to be more of a relaxing day. I watched Bill and Teds Excellent Adventures the cartoon this morning and I loved it. I also bought some more great songs on iTunes. My cat is sleeping at the foot of my bed and my boyfriend is on his way to a party with BW. I miss and love BW. lol that makes me want to watch Arthur. Lol BW, DW, get it? Haha I can't wait for my babe to send me drunk texts. Anyways I'll talk more later! I promise...

Friday, January 27, 2012


So I'm at my boyfriends house searching through all his year books and old keepsakes. He is so cute, and when he was little he looked exactly like his brothers. His cousin and aunt and uncle are here. His aunt is his moms twin sister. His family is so big and pretty and amazing and I am so jealous. I mean, I love him so much, but I am deathly jealous of his family. I would trade him any day...except for my grandpa, grandma, and mother. But other than that, any day Navarrete any day. He's mad because A didn't sign his year book Junior Year of high school. He's saying if he doesn't find the signature he's going to make A sign it now. Haha what a cutie. He's complaining to A right now, texting him. We'll see what he says; if he cares at all.

Theres a German Shepheard Outside My Window

I finished My yearbook shit so all's good. I can start writing again thank god! I love to write and I can never wait to get to do it again. I'm trying to post at least three post a day and I want them all to be really long. I haven't quite gotten as long as I've wanted them but I'll be there soon I hope (that's what she said). Everyone around me is listening to country, and I have to say that I love that this school isn't judgmental. I love country music. Its nice having people who don't judge, but when they simply don't like you it doesn't make it much better. Anyways, enough about school. I can't wait to get home and relax, or go to Target and get those shirts that I want. To see my boyfriend, and go out and do something until he has to go and see his dad. For some reason even though him and his brothers live in EDH, they meet in Folsom. She isn't anywhere in sight. Also I have to get home on an eighth of a tank of gas and I'm not sure why, but the orange engine light in my truck is on. It kinda freaks me out but I feel like, and I've been told that I should be more worried about running out of gas rather than having engine problems. I am worried about the gas. If I run out, at least I don't ever take the free way so someone can always come and get me. I'm debating on using $20 of my own money to at least get to half a tank, and then have my parents pay me back when they get home. I'll call my mom later to ask. That's probably what I'll do. Bull Shit my boyfriend just texted me saying that he gets off work at 5 and his dad wants to meet him at 5:30...that means I'll only be able to see him for about 20 minutes at most. Well that sucks. tomorrow I have puppy training from 1-2, and he has work at 5 so that leaves at most two and a half hours. Also on Sunday he works the same hours. This weekend is going to suck ass, not as much as last weekend with A, but pretty bad. I suppose that I'll be doing homework, and watching Dexter. I need the time for homework anyways. That reminds me that I need to go to the school library right after class because I switched book report books. I need to get started because I have to do a book report and a 8-10 page research paper in two weeks. I need all the time I can get. I think I'll finish the book and the report then have all the extra time to focus hard on this research paper about Juan Peron. I just went from Shirley Temple to "Mack the Knife" by Michael Buble. Haha! What a change that was. And now onto "Heads Will Roll" by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs. The glitters all wet! I feel really bored, and so does everyone else. We don't have the right pictures t start new pages so we are all stuck doing nothing in these classes. I believe that this is the longest blog that I have written so far which really excites me. I told you earlier that I had a lot to write about today and I wasn't kidding. We listen to the weirdest music here on Youtube, and this teacher is so lenient. I love him. He's the best teacher ever, otherwise I'd be getting my Ipod taken from me for a whole 24 hours which would really end up being until Monday and I can't wait that long for my Ipod, my baby. That's too long to be away from my music! By the way if you read the description of a Leo, it describes me almost exactly. I'll paste one later. So this is getting really boring...I'm sure for you readers too. So I'll write more later. <3


So, I don't have study hall at all today. That really sucks because its Friday and today I just happen to have so much more to talk about. First off, She. had to drink this tea from South America that most of us had tried before. It really is an acquired taste, or it takes a while to get used to, and the first person to drink it gets the strongest and most bitter sips. Its called Mate by the way. And in case you were wondering, yes, She. was the first person to drink. She hated it, but its a culture tradition to finish all the water in the Mate before passing it on to the next person. The teacher made her try it twice because you really do have to get used to the bitterness first before it actually begins to taste good. It also does wonders for your body (if it is organic) and everyone should drink it at least once in a while if not every day before and after meals. We also had Chinese New Year today and to see her head bobbing with their music of culture pretending like she knew the tune and loved the music just made me laugh. Not out loud of course because it was a performance, but close to it. I thought about how people, like E, probably want me to just play along. She's so rude to me that I can't even think about playing nice with that girl. But I also don't want to start anything that could hurt any of my "friendships" so I just ignore her and try to stay as far away as possible. It's kind of annoying really. I have to plan my day around her so that I don't run into her and do anything rash. I'm not sure how else to explain it but if you've ever been in this situation I'm sure you know exactly what I'm talking about. She has this way of just always pushing my buttons weather it be something she does or something she says so I simply steer clear. She's cruel on the inside she really is! Other people don't see it but I normally have a good judgment of character, she's like....Cruela Devil. Sweet, Innocent, and LOVING on the outside but deep down inside she's only out to get people, people like me. Its all a matter of time before everyone sees who she really is and she ends up all alone. I can't wait for that day, I know that's mean, but as I've explained before I'm brutally honest. Anyway, that's probably enough about her, and it's almost time for class to start so I'll have to write more later, or when I get home......

Thursday, January 26, 2012


So my boyfriend, he's really cute when he's drunk wanna see??

Off with your head

What I don't understand is guys who won't give you the light of day when your single and really like them, but once they realize your taken they come after you like a hungry wolf. It's insane the way their minds work.They need to be lest complicated, more loyal...like a dog. I feel like I'm being hunted by these guys. Like I'm a little white rabbit in a very green field and here comes that hush wolf out to get me. But then there's this one white bunny who whisks me away and saves me, you know? Like a prince. I would trade Alice in Wonderland for her problems any day. Or peter pan or Wendy for that matter...even Sally from the nightmare before Christmas...

Top 5

Ok, I was asked to write out the top five things I don't like about Her
1) she's a HUGE hypocrite
2) she ACTS like she's stupid and is aware of it
3) she always needs to be the best at everything
4) she complains a lot especially about people not confronting her but the thing is she isn't confronting them either she's just talking behind their back she's told me so haha
5) she has a certain tone of voice toward me like "I hate you your so stupid."

Top five...but there's so much more to it....

Do you Ever wish you could walk on the ceiling?

Because I just think that would be so cool. Just to walk on the ceiling. Mrs. N was really really rude to S.K.P. And T.T. Today I mean she really went all out on them. She was like "ok can we continue now?" i mean this is seminar. We are supposed to speak put minds and our opinions and personally I normally agree with T.T. Also I was completely boxed out of the circle today. I was the last to be sat next to and it ended up being a teacher and junior boys. Shit really you all hate me that much? I mean it's ok if you do but could you at least say it to my face and not just ignore the fact? It's full on bull shit. I can be alone it's fine but I like to know who my real friends are. Anyways She. Left her scarf in the math room today and I'm pretty sure someone took it. I was going to bring it back to her because it was really pretty and I know what it's like to loose things you really like. But when I went back to get it it was gone. I felt bad I mean I know I really don't like her but she deserves to have her stuff. I hope she's the one that took it back....

Don&apos;t be a Douche Bag

Boys have gotten to cocky and arrogant over the years. I feel like its just gotten worse and worse, and that they feel that they have to much more power over us. Like they are just so much stronger and more special. I need a guy to just come out and say "Wow you look really beautiful today." like that would ever happen right? Haha guys are just natural ass holes, its their way of life. How they live...Fuck Marshall! Haha. Don't be a douche bag. Please just get over your damn self and accept the damn nice gifts that are given to you because you ain't getting any nicer ones and you definitely aren't getting any more from me after that. I mean I've forgiven you and all, and I'm gonna play nice and not be catty but still why were you just such a Douche Bag. It's just like the song says. All you asses out there really should listen to that song "Don't be a Douche Bag" it will give you a whole new perspective and meaning to life. Boys like the ones in Elementary school who were sweet and caring and truly worried about you...those are the boys that us girls all wish you grew up to be...that's why we love kids Haha! Hm that kid E.D.M. that just walked in made me wonder...why to i blog? I mean I know its to get things out of my system because I don't tend to do that, but isn't there something more to this? I love to write...but never really about myself...I like to write Fiction. So this must really mean something to me, do something for me. To put my feelings out into writing and simply get rid of them. Makes me feel a little bit better. Shiv just joined me, at least I'll be amused for a little while right?...

Study Hall?

Yuck, so I don't have study hall for much longer unfortunately. Apparently I have been signed into a math class instead of study hall. Now I wont have as much time to write as I want but I'll learn my basic business math skills. What a waste of  valuable time. Anyway there's a teacher in here that actually comes and checks in what your doing (not the normal High School teacher I know, but then again I don't go to a normal High School). E draws the best pictures I have to say. I'm hoping that she'll draw me another one later so that I can color it in again. She's the best artist I know...or am friends with. S.K.P. wants to go hide in a closet. He wouldn't fit in the one he wants to hide in but if he did, it would give me a chance to say "So S.K.P. I see you came out of the closet this morning." Haha. So this is where you laugh and say that I'm not very good at being funny. That's true though. I'm only funny when I'm not trying to be, but at least I'm funny in some way right? I miss my boyfriend. I also just found out that one of my really good friends is getting deployed to Afghanistan and its killing me inside. I'm trying my hardest not to think about it but its really hard not to. If you've ever been in this kind of situation then you know what I mean. I want to send him packages and so many things just to make his life there a little more livable. I mean, he just got out of training not very long ago and he's already being deployed on a suicide mission....Though I probably shouldn't be talking about this online...not that anyone besides my boyfriends and E are reading this but still...Also I have had the song "Mack the Knife" stuck in my head for the past couple days. Its the perfect song for Dexter who I am absolutely in love with. He is a gorgeous man I have to say. Anyways, the gist of my life is really boring and I'm not a very exciting person...Dexter is a true guy though isn't he? I would love to marry him...if only he were a real person and not just a character in a book and a TV show. So my class mates are all behind me looking at all these different celebrities with out make up on and deciding weather they look better than they do with make up or not. It's really quite amusing to hear them saying if its extreme, or if they look natural, or like shit, or scary their hair their skin their eyes freckles etc. SHE"S SO PRETTY! Haha this is so much fun. I can just hear them judging and judging. It's almost as if they don't realize what they are doing. It comes naturally to the people in the U.S. They never notice when they are judging others and claim that they aren't. Don't get me wrong, I know I do it to, but the difference is that I admit to it where as most people if you ask them won't admit to it in any way possible.One day I'll go around on a class trip and take a picture of all of them with out make up on and let people on the web judge and vote on them just as they are to these people. They just don't realize how bad it is, what they are doing. It's almost as if it raises their self esteem, and makes them feel so much better about themselves...not just my class but everyone who looks at websites and things like that and talks like this about these poor people who never wanted their pictures taken like this. It's really not at all their fault but Whatever. Talk more later I promise...

Back to Back to Back

Not really happy to be back at school, but its better than being lonely home alone. All the girls whisper and talk and I'm sitting here like "I don't want to get involved in any of this." All this school stuff, it's really not as fun as people say it is. "High school is the best time of your life, don't let it fly by you!" What a fucking lie. High School sucks ass, don't believe anyone that tells you other wise. Or the people who say "It'll get better as you get older!" thats complete bullshit too. Nothing will get better. You stay the same person all through High School and no one will decide to treat you different unless your parents all of a sudden win the lottery or some shit like that. Ha, also, when people say that the teachers don't have favorites, thats also a lie. They really have favorites and it's normally the people who are "popular" like Her. I can't imagine how happy she must be. How arrogant she is If she saw that I was writing all this about her I bet she'd be flattered just to see her name in this. She wouldn't care about the content, just that someone was writing about her in some way. Bad publicity is still publicity right? Its these kind of people that fail in the world. The End it's all over now....

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Let Me Explain

I haven't really told you anything about myself. Hi...haha. I'm Audrrinna and this is my blog (well obviously). I love to play piano and sing. Especially jazz and r&b. My boyfriend is a handsome Hispanic guy (I have a huge thing for Hispanic guys like Antonio Banderas). I live in California. I love to travel. My favorite place to be is Santa Cruz. I love music and the 80s. My favorite colors are aquamarine and sea foam green. I'm a natural blonde and have, as I'm told, beautiful blue eyes. I have an adorable yorkie named Cole, and five cats, Lilly Ann, Delilah, Chap, Spot, and Ethel. I want to own a ranch when I grow up with cows and pig and horses and buffalo and maybe some mule. I hate birds. I'm afraid of water. I hate open spaces and love tight crowded ones. I'm very brutally honest and open. I don't like to argue a lot. I love stuffed animals. I go to an art school. I have few friends I trust. My favorite relative is my grandpa. Lastly I love to dance...

Position (persision)

Well today was a good day. My boyfriend is being considered for a promotion to assistant manager. I really don't want any less time with him but I want him to get the job. He's having trouble with his bills and with his mom single an out of a job him and his brother have to pitch in. Shes spending her life savings to keep this family together. I mean I know the small raise won't help him to save their house but it could help with insurance bills and the like. And when he applies for better jobs later on in life after college it will be amazing experience and look great on is resume. I hate being stuck in the middle of things but here I am...he'll take the job. He'll get the job and I hope keep doing better and better until he can afford all he had ever hoped dreamed and wished for for him and his family. I love him.

Sweet Like Candy

What a great boyfriend I have! Sitting home alone sick and he brings me this balloon. I even had to go pick up my dog from his daycare today because I was so lonely. Two of my favorite guys, they just made my day. I am such a lucky girl and I really don't deserve all this but I have it and I thank god that I do because I'm not sure what I'd do with out all the things that I am so privileged to have. Plus watching Seriously Funny Kids just made my sick day a million times better. Now A has finally been forgiven. Can't help who he is and I can't change it so I might as well get used to it. He's my boyfriends best friend. The end.

This Means War

So I'm sick at home today and I really don't feel good. All I can think to do it is my Econ homework because I need to study. I bet She never studies. She gets amazing grades and when someone does better than her you can just see her get a little annoyed. Like on this test we took for biochemistry. When she read the number on my test wrong and thought that I did just a little better than her she flipped out! You could tell that really bugged her that I could possibly do better than her on a test. I feel like she thinks I'm stupid. And when she starts laughing when she sends S a text when I'm standing right next to both of them having a conversation because she is saying something about what I just said that she doesn't have the guts to say to my face. She doesn't want to start war with me and I'm trying really hard to hold back but the way she is acting is killing me inside and it could get dirty really fast. She contradicts herself constantly. It's the most annoying thing a person could do. The best thing would be for her to leave me alone because personally I'm about to bitch slap that hoe across her pretty little face.

Tuesday, January 24, 2012


I hope that my love life is as happy passionate and amazing as it is right now. I want this to last forever because this was all I could ever ask for. He's an amazing person and I hope is all works out. He is and will always be my baby.


All the best people are Raving Mad. E is the best friend a girl could have and even though the girl I loath is friends with her too, she doesn't let that get between us and neither do I. People think I'm jealous because she is stealing E from me but the truth is she's not. E is just as much my best friend as hers but she is just more clingy. I hate clingy people by the way, I can't take it I feel like I'm suffocating. Anyway life is about choices because I'm more open and brutally honest, I really do believe that I will go father in life than those who are clingy and spread things behind my back. In high school they may be doing just fine, but in the real world they are gonna end up getting their asses bit because they are so used to having everything handed to them and having other people stand up for them.

That Chick

I can't think of anything better than to be done with this year. I am so tired of being with these people and I just cant take it anymore. I feel like I'm going insane! I mean seriously. This one girl especially I don't know how she couldhave possibly gone her whole life not made fun of, not hated, and not exiled or beat up. She can just be the most annoying person. She naggs and she acts like bimbo blonde when she isn't even a true blonde and it is so obvious. He was an awesome guy and no one cared that he was leaving. More than half of my senior class would be happy to trade her for him. I simply wan her to dis appear. I wouldn't even consider coming back to this insignificant school for a reunion. The only way I would ever think of coming back would be to brag and laugh in peoples faces. When I get out of here, I hope that these people know that most of them will be deleted off my facebook and phone because they are not real friends. Especially after the phone call incident earlier this year. Most of them don't even deserve to be on that friends list right now as it is. And that stupid boy who her ( bimbo cunt whore) decided to tell that I had a crush on last year now ignores me. He won't look at me or talk to me at all. We used to talk a lot, and now that friendship was broken all because of this bitch of a girl. I don't even know how to describe my hate towards her. She always has to one up everyone else. She has to be better than you because she has the lowest self esteem that I have ever seen in anyone before. She's selfish... shit its like A. He has pissed me up to the highest heavens. I dont think I have ever been that mad in my entire life. He is an Ungreatful Selfish BRAT. Though that I'm sure I can get over, but K I don't think I could ever get over that....The world is hers to take and she has it. She wins...