Thursday, June 20, 2013

I'm not sure

I am vowing to write more because I really miss doing it. Even if I don't have anything to write about I am going to make a short post like this one just to get me writing crave out.

Wednesday, June 19, 2013


You know, I saw a shirt today that said "The number of followers you have does not make you better than anyone else. Hitler had millions. Jesus had 12" and I thought to myself that that is the truth. We care so much about how many people see how amazing we are. we put ourselves up to be judged like a show. We practically give our personal lives to people to make them interested in us so that we can show off our numbers on all the social networks. I also read a quote today that said "I'd rather have four quarters than one hundred pennies." We don't think of things in those terms but it totally makes sense.


A lot of people take vacations with their friend with out adult supervision, especially now that they are in college. I thought that this would be my year to do that. I was going to go to my grandparents with a couple friends and visit, and for my birthday I was going to go to Santa Cruz with a few of my close friends for three days. I have been waiting for trips like these my entire life. I've been invited on trips like these, but my parents never trusted me so I was never allowed to go. I love taking road trips and it has been my dream for the longest time just to travel to random places with the people I hold the closest. I feel like around my friends I can be myself but if I'm around family I have to hold back and try to be "good." It really isn't fair and that is why I cannot wait to move out. The problem is I just got a job. That gets rid of all my summer trips. I also realized that I am going to have to be in community college for another year and a semester which is a semester more than I had planed. That gives me time to save so that I can move out. It's a long time to wait for some freedom seeing as I have already waited 18+ years for this little bit of freedom. I need to get out of here before my head explodes. I feel trapped. Even though our house is large I feel claustrophobic and overprotected as if we are living in a one room cabin. I feel like the only way to escape my family is to go to school and that's why I take the maximum amount of units every semester including summers. I really appreciate all that my parents do for me, but I really need some independence. I'm ready to move on.

Monday, June 17, 2013

Second Chances

People always say how nice I am and how good of a friend I am. They say I'm really good at being non-judgmental. They obviously don't hear what I say, and don't realize that once you screw me over I'm done. There are no second chances with me. I don't trust people in the first place and if you have taken the time to gain my trust you have no right to screw that up. Just know that when you do, I will ruin your life and make myself like the victim. I will shut you out and get everyone else to shut you out too. Don't try me.

Friday, June 14, 2013

I Hate You

I hate people who park wrong and I hate people who set off firecrackers at all times of the day and I hate people that don't clean up their TP lawns but rather blow it with a leaf blower all over everyone elses and I hate people who think that it's funny to stare and whisper and I hate people that judge me because of my weight and I hate companies that don't carry plus sized just so that they can keep their "image" and I hate friends who are super flakey and I hate small cars and I hate motorcycles that park in the car spaces when there are designated motorcycle spaces open in the first row and I hate people who are watching a movie on a plane and then recite everything that is happening to their relative next to them I mean why cant your relative just watch the damn movie too and I really hate people who don't look at you when your talking to them and I hate bees and I hate water and I hate watches and I hate adults who think it's OK to make fun of children and pick on them even if it's their own kids too and I hate people who say that Disney is crap and it has all these hidden messages and its wrong and disturbing I mean did you see that when you were little and watched those movies? were you just a little 5 year old searching for sexual innuendos in all  your cartoons stop it and I really hate people that don't like songs by a certain person but can't admit that even though their songs may suck they still have a good voice and I hate people who stare at you at the gym I mean don't you have anything better to do stop looking at me because I don't want to have to stare back until your creeped out and I really really really really hate girls who act like their stupid boys don't like you better if your dumb so seriously just stop being an air head and I hate guys who drive crappy cars and then rev their engines like they are so cool stop it your car is ridiculously shitty and no one cares and I hate obnoxious and loud neighbors that are up at all hours of the night sitting outside talking or using power tools or throwing really really loud stupid high school parties stop not before I call the cops for a noise complaint and if you get caught under age drinking too well all the better for me and I hate people who rake their leaves into the storm drain bitch this is not Portland there is no service coming by to pick up your leaves and I hate people who see you walking and as they drive by they yell something out their window I mean really even if your complimenting me that is the most annoying turn off in the entire world and I hate people who think they are so cool because they have a lot a money or only wear name brands like no one gives a fuck what your wearing and people are going to use you for that money if you flaunt it like that and I hate cocky guys who can't get a girlfriend but they act like your lesser than them and they could get another girl in seconds I mean jerk you be like 3 inches shorter than me and you a lil chubby and your whinny you don't take good care of your dog you've had her for two years and she's still not potty trained I'm going to call animal control on you douche and you are so obsessed with looks that you said when you get married you wouldn't be able so stand a girl without makeup even when your sleeping you want her to wake up earlier than you and get pretty before you see her face like WTF is wrong with you in general I just really really really really hate people

Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Super exciting week

So I had to go to the ER on Sunday night because I was having serious stomach pains. The pained started around one, but only got really bad around eight. The problem was that the pain was shifting to my lower right side and was getting really severe. We thought that I might have appendicitis and the only place that was open at ten was the hospital. We got there and spent forever trying to figure out what was wrong. I got my first IV and CT scan. I was in so much pain until they gave me morphine. We found out that my bowels were infected and awoken lymph-nodes were causing the pain. The real problem was that I had my first day of school on Monday and couldn't go because I didn't get home till 3 an I was on pain medication. I went to school on Tuesday, but the first and second class had the same lecture so I went home early. I had my first full day of school today and since I really like history it was fine.