My heart hurts

You want to be with a skinny wife. You want to go on vacation with a hot girl, and I'm not that girl. I'm doing this as fast as I can. I am working so hard so you can see what I want to be and what you want me to be. I feel like nothing is working. This isn't going fast enough for either of us and my weight is causing you issues. It's making you want something different. I always knew I'd find the love of my life I just never imagined Id lose him. On top of that I never knew there was a pain this strong both emotionally and physically that can take you over when you think about losing that person and I definitely never thought I'd feel it.