They Wonder

They wonder why she sits in her room all day with her headphones in, go on walks by herself, or stay at her bf's house or out with him all day. She doesn't see why she would ever do that. Oh wait, yes she does. Maybe because she hasn't heard a praising word out of any of their mouths since who knows when. The last time she can remember either of her parents telling her that they were proud of her, or anything like that, was in the fifth grade. They wonder why if she hates living here hasn't she moved out yet because they could care less. If she had the money to move out and away with no contact for the rest of her life, just start over somewhere far away as a new person, she would. They wonder why she went by a different name when they first moved here. Maybe because she didn't want to be who she was, or apart of the family that she was apart of. She doesn't understand how a mother could threaten to beat her daughter and then say if her daughter called the CPS it would be a wonderful break from her to be in jail. How can you tell your daughter that you could care less if she moved out and you wouldn't ever help her out. Not only to have her parents pick on her, but her little brother picks on her too because they don't do anything about it. They comment on how much weight she gains, how she'll never do well in school or in the real world. How she'd never graduate high school. You even asked her if she wanted to drop out because you didn't want to waste your money on her anymore. You tell her she's a selfish brat because she complains about the private school that's so expensive. It's paid for by you with her college tuition money, her saves money, and you forced her to go there with people that absolutely despised her and outcasted her all four years of high school. She';; never show emotion, or cry in front of you because she feels like she has to be better than that, she can't let you win. She can't let you see her break down. They think that because they buy things for her it makes her owe them that respect even when they don't respect her. She feels like the invisible daughter just getting a "That's nice." when she gets As and Bs when her brother gets to go out to eat and gets money and praise when he gets A's. Even when she was his age and was getting better in school after getting her meds, you never praised her like that. I guess I still do have something to vent and write about. I guess it wasn't just my peers that were causing me to be depressed, I guess it was my home life too. It's not enough for me to hear I love you and not believe it....Love Audi.....(Taylor Swift and The Civil Wars-Safe and Sound).

So. The sitch?

Here's the thing. This is my blog. Yes I know what I say on here may be judgmental  but honestly I really don't care what you think. This is my vent space and YOU don't have to read it. It's not like once your on an internet page you can't click the little red X in the corner and make this page magically disappear. It smells like the doctor's in this FLC hallway. I went and saw Red Dawn today. Awesome movie, new and old. They've made me realize that I have been avoiding this deathly fear and nightmares that I have been having where America is so bankrupt that everyone who can invades us and we all die off. This is the reason why I want to move away. I don't know about all of you, but I am legit scared to be living here. I feel like I won't be alive for much longer. To all of you who have access to my blog, I love you. If we do get invaded on 12/21/12 and that's why the world ends, I'm fighting. I won't give up that easily. I want to live and I want my family and everyone else to live too. Start collecting weapons now. Join my group of fighters. Go Wolverines! We will prevail in times of hardship. Well I just had a mini heart attack. Something made a loud noise and then my little brother was calling for my mom. I better go see what's going on. Love Audi <3

The Ralization

Once I left high school and all the people that I didn't like there behind me, there wasn't really anything to vlog or vent about anymore. There was no drama, no people that I hate, nothing. Once I graduated and got away, the bloging and vloging became less and less frequent. It was like I fell off the face of the earth. I became calm and relaxed like I wasn't carrying the whole world on my shoulders anymore. It sounds wrong, but it was a huge relief to not have to try so hard to impress my peers and fit in. I can finally rest my head and know for sure that there aren't any demons hiding in the people I know waiting for the perfect moment to pop out. I have cut down my facebook friends from 700 to 147. I don't even really use it anymore, or any other  social network anymore. Honestly, it makes me feel free. For once in my life I feel like I can breath, and maybe even trust again. It was eye opening how much people can hold you back with out you even noticing it. Love Audi <3

Starting Over..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yXQViqx6GMY

I've decided that I need to start over. Not only do I need a new attitude, but I need a new look, a new set of friends, new hobbies, new everything. I want change. I'm so tired of people treating me the way that they do and I'm tire of the way everyone treats one another. I want to change myself for the better and change the world. I want to start my life over and be happier than I've ever been. I'm going back to blonde, all natural. I'm buying less expensive makeup. I'm dressing in my own crazy way and not following the trends anymore. I've been listening to pumped up songs lately, I've been eating healthier and being myself with my high self-esteem and everything and honestly I'm starting to feel like I can do anything. I don't care what anyone else thinks and all I want to do is sing and do what I love to do. People can't control me anymore. I am beautiful and I am proud of myself and that's all that really matters. My curly hair, my bows, my Disney sweaters and shirts, my obsessions, my embarrassing actions, deal with it. I've been inspired by Ariana Grande, Christina Aguilera, and Mariah Carey. My idols tell me that I need to stay true to myself no matter what. If I love myself others will love me and if they don't FUCK THEM. :) Love Audi <3

Anne Regan

Hey you, I miss you like fucking crazy. I'll have to come to Reno sometime to visit. Or when you come here to visit family, I can come see you in Fair Oaks. College is so different compared to Waldorf. It's like no one here likes to talk to each other or get to know one another. Although it could be because we aren't in dorms and most people have come to this school from a bigger school with people they know. I feel like our class completely fell apart after graduation except for facebook and such. We went to totally different places, all pretty far from each other. I think Ari is in my district though you, him, and Savannah are the only people I have really kept in contact with. Come HOME! <3 Love Audi

For Joe and all those other BITCHES

Girls are so damn catty...is that right? I mean look at the guys? Why you gotta be such a bitch? You have a problem with all my other friends being guys? That's because girls like you are fucking bitches. I mean really you want me to trust you after all the shit you've put me through? Fuck that, you're so not worth it. Who do you think you are? You don't control anyone. You can't turn any of my real friends that I trust on me. But you know what? I can turn them on you and you know why that is? It's because they are lying fucking bitches that love drama, not real friends. You'll see. You'll be sorry you ever lost me as a friend because I don't make a very good enemy douche. Don't say your sorry because I don't care. Your already on my bad side and there's nothing you can do to fix that anymore. <3 With Love, Audi

You chose #3

You search through your pockets and the small bag that you have with you, but your phone isn't there. Neither is your wallet, money, or license. There isn't a phone in the hotel room and you obviously can't call through a pay phone because you don't have any money. You decide to go looking on the street for some change. You search all over the side walks and eventually fine two dollars worth of change. You look around for a pay phone, but can't find one. You attempt to ask someone on the street but none of them understand you and all they do is nervously blabber some weird harsh language back at you. Your all alone. Your only friend would have been the young man that had tried to help you, but you turned him down. You walk helplessly back to the hotel unsure of what to do with yourself now. You walk into the front office and hand the cash to the lady begging to use her phone. She finally understands the gist of what your trying to ask, and hands over the office telephone. First you call your house and there's no answer. You leave a long message, but unsure of where you are you can't really tell them anything useful. You don't want to say too much about what has happened to you and put their lives in danger too. Then you try calling the emergency number that's listed on the phone, but again they don't understand a word your saying. Tired and hungry you set off to find a place to eat. Do you....
1) Eat and then try to find your way to the nearest airport.
or
2) Eat, stay and rest in the nice hotel room for a while and plan out your trip home.