Amber Alert

They made a film about the amber alert and this event that happened because of it. These teen kids followed this car that was listed on the amber alert signs and ended up not receiving help all day no matter how many times they called the cops. So they follow him to his house and go in and find the girl in a cage and take her out and their almost out of the house when the teen girl is shot in the back of the head. The teen boy then shoots the guy and the guy shoots him. All three die but the little girl is found and returned to her family the next morning. Then I watched this movie on 9/11 and I realized that I watch all these things and cry my eyes out because that's all I want to do in life. I want to help all these people who don't get the help they need. I want to go into the Criminal Justice Career and take it seriously. I want to  help people who can't help themselves. People don't take their career seriously enough to take the calls and warning signs that they are getting as a serious threat because they think they are better than that. I think watching the plane crash into that building caused more emotion for me than I have ever felt in my entire life.

...and I was like, why are you so obsessed with me?

I mean really, you texted and called me for a year after we broke up trying to get back together. It got so bad that I blocked your number. Then, you started harassing me on Facebook, sending me messages and posting on my wall so finally I had to block you. Now all those guys that you used to be friends with talk to me at school all the time about  how much of a douche you are and how they found god and all that. Honestly, I'm tired of hearing about you. I don't give a shit if your a satanist, and I don't care if you still live with your parents. I hate that they feel the need to walk up to me when I haven't talked to them for over a year and remind me of what a shit head you were and still are. What the hell is going through their minds. I broke up with him why the fuck would I know how he's doing or whats going on in his life, and why would I even want to know. He was manipulative and almost abusive. I don't care. Stop bringing it up Shitheads. Love Audi.

I've been thinking too much

So since I only have classes on mondays and wednesdays really, I should be writing more often, but I've been thinking a lot lately. I know that I want to go into forensics, and I know that I want to move out into a small apartment. One of the ones where you walk into the kitchen and the living room, and then theres a small hallway and on one side is the bedroom and the other is the bathroom and thats it. I want to live in an apartment even after I get married, until I have kids and getting a house is an absolute must. I like small spaces. Big spaces really freak me out. I don't really make friends in class because I feel like they would be a distraction and I'm trying my best to give my classes everything I have so that I can finish school and get my amazing dream job. I feel like all success means to me is to be happy with myself, and where my life is going. I want to move in with my boyfriend and be happy and together and honestly not be so scared all the time. I've had a really amazing school year and I feel like this new year has really proved itself to be better than any years before and when I move out it'll only get better.

The closet door won't close

I'm babysitting a dog. Her name is Leah. She and my dog are currently sleeping on my bed, and I'm not sure which one, but one of them has the smelliest farts in the entire world. I watch Dr.Phil to keep me company. Some people really piss me off. Why cant you care about the environment? There are things that I won't do, but I still love you. It's hard loosing weight. I feel like being this big makes me not feel good in my clothes anymore. I feel like I have to start school over every semester. I'm really nervous about school. I have a lot of classes that are required, but also a lot of classes that I want to take. That causes a problem for me. It looks like I'll be taking a lot of summer classes. I'm really happy at this school. I'm really happy taking all these classes. I love college and it's not something that I find difficult  because I want to be there and to take a ton of classes and to have a lot of work to do. It keeps me busy and I like that.

I haven't seen your face in a while.

I had a rough year senior year of high school. I'll admit that my bad attitude didn't really help. Of course, I had to be reminded of it this winter break. Oh yeah! Audi! We should totally hang out or do something together I miss you so much. No calls, no texts, no known psychic messages. WTF you think I am? Stupid? I knew you weren't ever going to try and hangout with me but what I didn't see coming were the one message from each of you asking to plan to hang out later.  How are we supposed to plan anything if you don't make an effort to make contact with me. The people that I thought weren't my friends ended up being the good friends. My best friends (other than Ari) ended up being the ones that never want anything to do with me. It's weird how things work out after high school. Please don't be an AH and message me when you don't really want to. Big thanks! Love Audi <3

They Wonder

They wonder why she sits in her room all day with her headphones in, go on walks by herself, or stay at her bf's house or out with him all day. She doesn't see why she would ever do that. Oh wait, yes she does. Maybe because she hasn't heard a praising word out of any of their mouths since who knows when. The last time she can remember either of her parents telling her that they were proud of her, or anything like that, was in the fifth grade. They wonder why if she hates living here hasn't she moved out yet because they could care less. If she had the money to move out and away with no contact for the rest of her life, just start over somewhere far away as a new person, she would. They wonder why she went by a different name when they first moved here. Maybe because she didn't want to be who she was, or apart of the family that she was apart of. She doesn't understand how a mother could threaten to beat her daughter and then say if her daughter called the CPS it would be a wonderful break from her to be in jail. How can you tell your daughter that you could care less if she moved out and you wouldn't ever help her out. Not only to have her parents pick on her, but her little brother picks on her too because they don't do anything about it. They comment on how much weight she gains, how she'll never do well in school or in the real world. How she'd never graduate high school. You even asked her if she wanted to drop out because you didn't want to waste your money on her anymore. You tell her she's a selfish brat because she complains about the private school that's so expensive. It's paid for by you with her college tuition money, her saves money, and you forced her to go there with people that absolutely despised her and outcasted her all four years of high school. She';; never show emotion, or cry in front of you because she feels like she has to be better than that, she can't let you win. She can't let you see her break down. They think that because they buy things for her it makes her owe them that respect even when they don't respect her. She feels like the invisible daughter just getting a "That's nice." when she gets As and Bs when her brother gets to go out to eat and gets money and praise when he gets A's. Even when she was his age and was getting better in school after getting her meds, you never praised her like that. I guess I still do have something to vent and write about. I guess it wasn't just my peers that were causing me to be depressed, I guess it was my home life too. It's not enough for me to hear I love you and not believe it....Love Audi.....(Taylor Swift and The Civil Wars-Safe and Sound).

So. The sitch?

Here's the thing. This is my blog. Yes I know what I say on here may be judgmental  but honestly I really don't care what you think. This is my vent space and YOU don't have to read it. It's not like once your on an internet page you can't click the little red X in the corner and make this page magically disappear. It smells like the doctor's in this FLC hallway. I went and saw Red Dawn today. Awesome movie, new and old. They've made me realize that I have been avoiding this deathly fear and nightmares that I have been having where America is so bankrupt that everyone who can invades us and we all die off. This is the reason why I want to move away. I don't know about all of you, but I am legit scared to be living here. I feel like I won't be alive for much longer. To all of you who have access to my blog, I love you. If we do get invaded on 12/21/12 and that's why the world ends, I'm fighting. I won't give up that easily. I want to live and I want my family and everyone else to live too. Start collecting weapons now. Join my group of fighters. Go Wolverines! We will prevail in times of hardship. Well I just had a mini heart attack. Something made a loud noise and then my little brother was calling for my mom. I better go see what's going on. Love Audi <3